I had my first actual clinicals today. The hospital I'm at is a teaching hospital, and is one of approximately two facilities in our state that will take the homeless, the indigents and the uninsured.
I had two AIDS patients, two with an infection whose name escapes me at the moment but which basically amounts to antibiotic-resistant dysentery,one with a newly amputated leg, one with a leg that was about to be amputated and a toe on the opposite foot that was about to fall off from gangrene, and God only knows what the rest were doing there.
The thing is, none of that bothered me. Absolutely none of it. I took their vitals. I gave them baths. I witnessed the irrigation of an ostomy bag (look it up if you dare). And I was fine.
What bothered me was that I kept trying to place one of the doctors. Where did I know her from? Church? Did she have a child at S's school?
I finally figured it out. About 3 years ago, she used to do my nails. MY NAILS, people. And now she is a DOCTOR. How does that work? Yes, I know...obviously, she was going to school while she did nails. Clearly. But dude! She used to do my nails! And now she's a doctor! I am seriously tweaking over this.
What on earth have I been doing with my life? How is it that there are all these pimply, pre-adolescent fetuses running around in white coats while I schlep about in the bright blue scrubs that warn all and sundry of my lowly student status as I change sheets and try to figure out where the blood pressure cuffs are? At least now, though, I know why they have separate doctors' lounges at this hospital. It's because these kids all have their mothers waiting in there to breastfeed them between patients.
Ugh. I feel OLD. I feel like I've been wasting my life. And it's never easier to doubt my ability to get into medical school than when I'm wearing my student tech scrubs and looking at real, live, breathing-deeply doctors. Who are wee and small and tiny and young and have not wasted their lives. Who knew what they wanted at the time when we're SUPPOSED to know what it is we want, rather than waiting until their mid-thirties to figure out what they want to be when they grow up. Who look right through me like I don't exist and definitely don't matter.
And who used to do my nails.
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4 comments:
Clinicals were always very "interesting" and I don't necessarily mean interesting as in an enjoyable learning experience. My very first patient had colon cancer. Most of his colon was removed, so he had a colonostomy. His rectum was removed, so that cavity was sewn shut, and he had an ileostomy. We had to empty the bag, examine it, determine color, odor, quantity, etc. He also had abdominal drains and we had to remove those and the stitches. This was all on my very first day of clinicals as a 1st year nursing student who wore the red polo shirt and white pants, also alerting everyone that I was a NEWBIE.
I just hooked up with one of the girls that I graduated from nursing school with and she is now a 2nd year med student. She found me on Facebook and so I'm now her "friend" so I checked out all of her pics. I have no desire to be a doctor, but I was envious of her youth and how much easier it would be for someone that young to be going to med school. You too will get through it all and we'll all be very proud of you in the end. Love ya, JJ
White pants at clinicals?! What manner of twisted hazing ritual was that?
I can't imagine what they looked like at the end of a day.
We also had white lab jackets, but that usually had to come off after the first hour of running around like a mad woman. Actually, I really didn't get the whites messed up too much, but I definitely hated wearing white....not the best color for someone of my age and body type. PLUS.....we were warned not to wear undies that had designs on them, like happy faces or big flowers.....not to worry, I wore the "big girl panties!" We were so excited for our 2nd year, because we changed from the red polo shirt to the royal blue (my favorite color), thus signifying to all of the hospital staff we were about to graduate. It made us feel so big and smart!!!!!! Little did we know, we still had lots to learn. Love ya, JJ
ouch ... we'll talk Monday. I almost broken my neck Saturday ... yes literally. Was in a C-collar and everything ... had to have CT scans... ugh ....
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