What Defines Us

While I was there a couple of weekends ago, Jamie and Nathan and I were talking about our large-ish family and how fabulous it is to have. I love that 3/4 of the children who were called forward for VBS prizes were ours. I love that we have this vast network of open arms and ears and hearts, and that in general, we all get along a fairly astounding amount of the time. I love our strong, beautiful women, who laugh and cry and spout off opinions and get ticked off, all in equal measures of passion, enthusiasm and loudness. I especially love that we all have EXACTLY the same laugh. I have never been prouder of anything in my life than I am to count myself among the ranks of our family's amazing women. Unless it's of the time that I dressed as a jailbird at my divorce deposition. That, I'm pretty full of myself over. But I digress, and besides, I did that as an F woman if I did it as anything or anyone.

I love our strong, solid men, who mostly just sit back, shake their heads and leave us women to it, loving us all the while. I love our giant swarm of children, who don't seem to realize or care which child belongs to whom, because we're all one big mishmash of genetic material anyway, and who cares? They're adored by all, they know it, and they really don't look much further than that. Exactly as it should be. I love our gatherings, where no one feels the need to be anything other than themselves. We wear what we want, we say what we want, and we know we're going to be loved and liked every bit as much when the day is over as we were when it began. And I absolutely ADORE that this whole vibrant mix somehow sprung forth from our shy, sweet little MeMe and her ornery charmer of a husband. We have an a-freaking-mazing family. Seriously.

Jamie and Nathan and I were discussing said a-freaking-mazing family, with the rather ambitious motivation of defining it. Jamie called us the giant Midwestern mafia family, which amused both Nathan and I greatly. I liked that image - this big tight-knit, loyal network of people who all had each other's backs, only without the massacres, money laundering and really gaudy jewelry. It worked for me. Then Nathan called it "our big fat Greek wedding." Probably even more on the mark than Jamie's description, and even more amusing. Both images will probably stick with me forever as images of our family.

I told J about this conversation soon after I got home. J has a decorous little family consisting of the prerequisite 2 or 3 aunts, 6 or 7 cousins, a niece and a nephew. The poor man had no idea what he was getting into with his first experience with our family, which involved "Hi, My Name Is" stickers and a ginormous sprawling family tree chart spanning about 2 eight-foot foldout tables. Granted, that was our VERY extended family, most of whom we didn't even know, but still. That HAD to be intimidating.

I couldn't help being curious about how he saw us, which was my main reason for broaching the subject with him. It's all normal to me. Casually bumping into cousins I never knew I had was a not infrequent experience for me in my adolescence and early adulthood, and although it made for good conversation, it didn't seem the least bit strange. It was just the nature of things. Everyone has 5 billion long-lost cousins scattered across the tri-state area. Right? Right??

J thought about it for a moment, then he said something to this effect:

"You guys are the Great American Family."

He spoke of ease, and laughter, and affection, and innocence. Backyard barbecues and birthday parties and Thanksgiving celebrations so huge that none of our homes could hold all of the people we wanted to spend such a special day with.

J sees us. And he gets us. And he's right about all of it.

Did I mention that I can't wait until Labor Day?