Harrowing Tales of the Emergency Room!

It.

Is still.

Raining.

My weekend didn't go quite as planned. I wound up with a thwacking headache on Friday, which in itself was painful but not all that disturbing. The really bothersome part was that my vision kept darkening and then normalizing again in my right eye. This could mean pressure on the optic nerve that obviously should not be there. Not cool.

So J came and picked me up from work, since I was clearly in no condition to drive myself anywhere. He took me to an emergency room where there was a Really Clueless Guy at the front desk. There was a conversation roughly to this effect:

J: Do you take United Healthcare?
RCG: Uhhhh... *drool*

Very Loud Elderly Couple Who Came In After Us: DO YOU HAVE A WHEELCHAIR FOR MY WIFE?????
RCG: *scratches himself a little*

Funny, he didn't look like Beavis. But that could have just been my obstructed vision. Right about that moment, it occurs to J that it would cost me $100 less if we went to urgent care across the street instead of a full-blown emergency room, so we leave and go to urgent care, where they take my blood pressure right there in the waiting room and then send us back to the hospital for a CT scan.

In an effort to avoid our buddy Beavis, we head to another emergency room, which is right across the street also, in another direction. Don't ask me what's with all the hospitals in that one little stretch, because I have no clue.

The good news is that the woman at the front desk of this emergency room was extremely coherent.

The bad news is that there were 800,000 screaming toddlers, and their parents trying to talk over them, in the waiting area. All of these people are also extremely coherent, and they are very intent on making sure the rest of us know it. It sounded like a cocktail party for the Pull-Ups crowd, and when you have a searing migraine, that's not the best scenario. I ended up sitting in there for less than a minute before giving up completely and going to sit in the breezeway. You know, the little area between the outside doors and the lobby doors? Yes, there. On the floor. And it turns out that this was an excellent thing to do, given the fact that less than 30 seconds later, some guy puked right next to where I'd been sitting.

J came out to join me, bringing the news that it's going to be awhile. At that point, I started crying. I just couldn't handle anymore. Somewhere between choking hysterical sobs, we decide that it's best to head back to our buddy Beavis again. At least that ER was empty, because the hospital was so new. Or maybe because of Beavis. I didn't really care, by then.

Sure enough, there were only two people waiting, and they were NOT TALKING. There was a TV at low volume, but that's it. And no Beavis. No anybody, in fact. J had to go find someone to get me registered. Not promising so far. But we were in within 15 minutes, and they let me lay down in a dark room, which helped tons right there. After which a loud nurse named Brenda came in to check my vitals, and was still extremely loud even after being told I had a massive headache and was sensitive to noise. So back to square one I went, pain-wise. Thanks, Brenda!

After awhile, someone came and injected me with what can only have been a rhino tranquilizer. After that, the headache just kind of melted away, along with the entire rest of the Western Hemisphere, and I commenced drifting along somewhere between triage and Nirvana. You know those scenes in Madagascar where Alex the lion gets the tranquilizer darts and sees all kinds of funky hallucinations? Ok, no, I didn't do that, but still. I sort of remember getting a CT scan, and I definitely remember being told that it was normal. I was officially diagnosed with a migraine and given a prescription for if it ever happens again. Then they sent me home, where I slept for pretty much the rest of the day.

The next day was mostly spent recovering from the rhino tranquilizer. And looking at scooters. Pink ones. More on that later, probably.

SONG OF THE DAY: Foy Vance, Homebird