Disclaimer: The above title may not be a real word.
Disclaimer No. 2: I really don't care whether it is or not.
JJ, motorized two-wheelers scare me for a variety of reasons, also. Which is why, unlike most of the scooter-ers around here, I plan on wearing protective clothing and driving very defensively. I have a kiddo to raise!
Which brings me to...the kiddo I'm raising. Who apparently has no social skills. And I don't really know what to do about it, and I don't think there's really anything I CAN do. He's just going to have to learn the hard way that he can either annoy his classmates by doing whatever it is he wants to do, or he can stop. In this particular case, it's all about Singing on the Swings.
S likes to sing. And it's really cute, for the most part. When it stops being quite so cute, I've learned to tune it out, but I realize that this may be a skill that most elementary-age kids have not yet perfected. And apparently, he sings on the swings at recess EVERY SINGLE DAY. And the other kids are rude to him about it.
Underneath my Mama Bear instinct is a little voice going "you know what? Precious though he is, if I were an 8-year old I'd probably want to tell him to shut up, too." And then I feel like a crappy mother. Whose side am I on, anyway? So I've told him, very plainly. "Honey, you're annoying the other kids. I know you like to sing, but if you don't want them to be mean to you, maybe you should go sing somewhere else where you won't bother them. Or sing when you get home. Yes, you have a right to sing, but they also have a right to a little peace. You're going to have to learn to compromise."
At which point he starts complaining about how they're impinging upon his love of music (yes, he actually did use the phrase "express my love of music"), and swinging, and the combination thereof. Well, yeah, they are. But there are 7 of them (at first he said 20), and 1 of him, and guess who it isn't all about? They don't want to hear him expressing his love of music while they're trying to talk over him to express their love of My Little Pony or Speed Racer to their friend on the next swing.
And he of course completely and totally gets it. And he's totally stopped singing at the top of his little lungs on the swings, and he and the other children held hands and danced around a maypole, world without end, amen.
Yeah, not so much. I'm just not getting through to him. Kind of like I haven't gotten through to him for the last three YEARS about bossing and constantly correcting people, and why they tend not to like to be around those who do it.
So yeah. What now?
2 comments:
First of all Amie, you should not feel guilty for being realistic & helping S to be empathetic to others. I think you are doing the perfect thing. Basically the rest is up to S. It will be his choice. Is it more important to sing when he knows it's bothering his classmates or to compromise as you explained to him & be one step closer to learning what it takes to get along with people. I'm sure you have given him suggestions such as singing a little less loudly. Would it help S to have a swing of some kind at home? A swingset, tree swing or a lounge swing. What about a swing of some kind in his room? Well, I know that you are doing a good job of teaching S what he needs to know about life & living, but we both know that your choices & preferences will not always be what he chooses. I hate this "antisociality" stage for you & S, but I know you will both be ok in the end.
Love, Mom
Yep, what "mom" said! It doesn't stop in elementary school either. On one hand you hurt for your child that not everyone adores them, but on the other hand, kids will be kids.....which isn't always nice. They have to learn how to cope and exist in this world of "compromise", because there will always be challenges. You're doing a great job!
Love ya,
JJ
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