Pea Green

Well, The Illustrious Coworker and I had it out via IM today. It was quite educational. Her main complaint seems to be that I'm "not a team player." Not sure how that works, seeing as I've been doing both my job and hers for a good two months or so, and her main premise for my not being a "team player" is that I didn't let her take over one of my tickets a few days ago. From what I can tell, her definition of "team player" seems to be "you don't do what I want you to do." Which, if that's the case, I hope to heaven I'm not a team player.

Her final sentence was something along the lines of "I wish you the best in your future endeavors." Which was just a wee bit telling, since I'd been slightly curious about whether or not she knew yet that I was leaving. I felt like replying with "thanks, but I'm doing pretty spectacularly at my 'future endeavors' with or without your well wishes." No point, though...she sits right on the other side of my cubicle, and I'm not exactly a quiet person, so unless she's completely catatonic on the few days she's actually in the office, she knows all about my free tuition and my 4.0 grade average. Obviously, I'm not struggling too hard to keep up.

The only things I can figure are that a) she's upset because her little party is over since I won't be there to cover for her, or b) she's jealous. And now I'm about to get a little bit smug, and I apologize for that, but why wouldn't she be? It really got me thinking about how lucky I am.

I have this amazing, fabulous child who's about as perfect as real actual children can possibly be. I have a wonderful, intelligent, funny, sensitive longtime boyfriend (5 years next week!) whom I adore and call daily to flirt with in the afternoons, and who wanted nothing more than to come home to me today. She is solitary, obviously lonely, and frankly will most likely stay that way. At almost 40, she probably knows that.

I've got a nice house in a nice neighborhood. She lives in a small, dark apartment.

I'm freaking SMART, there's no point denying that. She's maybe average, although admittedly cunning in a way that I am not. Which is fine, because I don't really think I want to be.

I have friends...people actually come by my cubicle to chat, as opposed to the ones who come to hers only when they want something.

I'm reasonably attractive. We'll leave that there, because although I need to write this down to get it out of my system, I'm truly not trying to be catty.

I'm on to bigger and better things. Everyone in that office knows it. Not because I've broadcasted it (which I may have just because of my intrinsic loudness, not because I meant to), but because I just AM. She's stuck in that ridiculous office, making a ridiculous salary, sucking up to ridiculous middle management, the vast majority of whom I lost respect for years ago. She'll probably never be anything more. She may change jobs, but it will be more of the same.

What does she have? Weekday hangovers and skipping out on evening shifts to go bowling. Showboating and brown-nosing. Her primary source of validation being a job that the average code monkey could literally write a program to do better than we do.

Again, I know all of this sounds really smug. And maybe it is. But it got me thinking about how lucky I am. J drives me up a wall at times, but he is so amazing. He's supportive and warm. He's sensitive and can carry on an intelligent conversation about most subjects. He truly does love, honor and cherish me, even if the actual vows have never been uttered, and that's more than most couples can say. S is polite, well-behaved and practically a savant in most subjects. He's observant and astute. He's a mother's dream.

Not only that, but I get to BE a girlfriend. I get to BE a mother. I get to BE a daughter, and a granddaughter, and a niece, and a cousin. I get to be attractive and intelligent. I get to laugh and smile. I get to be warm and full. I get to be cared for.

I get to run in the mornings with my dog, who is wonderful even if she eats EVERYTHING. I get to pursue my dreams with the full support of everyone that matters to me. I get to eat all I need to, every day of my life. I get to knit. I get to overachieve without unreasonable effort. I get to hug and kiss my child and my boyfriend almost any time I want to. I get to be part of this incredible family, whom I actually like and want to spend time with. I get to come home every day to a lovely house. I get to sleep in the most comfortable bed in the world. I get to light a fire in my fireplace in the winter. I get to feed hummingbirds. I get to be believed in, fully and completely, by those who love me.

I have an incredible life. If she's jealous of it, I really can't say I blame her.

SONG OF THE DAY: Jann Arden, Good Mother